Q: Dear Lindz
My boyfriend and I have trust issues I’ve never caught him for sure but I have concerns that I’ve put aside because I
love him. I’ve told him that it bothers me when he doesnt call me all day, he says he’s grown and doesnt feel that he needs to check in, how do I express my concerns without coming off insecure? Thanx Tina
A: Dear Tina
Do both you and your boyfriend have trust issues or do you just have trust issues? What particular concerns did you
put aside, were they real concerns or just assumptions and honestly did you put them aside because you love him or because they have no merit. I slightly agree with his response, he doesn’t need to check in with you throughout the day. You may have become to dependent on him or want him to be dependent of you and neither option is healthy.
We say we want men in our lives though we as women have a tendency to coddle men to the point where there’s few
differences between them and children. Your child is supposed to check in with you to let you know they’re safe and what they’re up to 24/7, not your man. Your significant other shouldn’t have to, they should call you when they’re thinking of you, if they have something to say, if they just want to hear your voice. They shouldn’t have to call because they’re on a calling schedule, a
relationship should not be a duty or work, it should be your escape from those things. It should be something you want to do because remember a
girlfriend/boyfriend is an option not a necessity. What does a phone call really do, nothing, you’re still gonna have your issues because he can talk to
you on the phone while cheating if he so chooses, you won’t have a happy medium until you discover the source of your conflict(that’s when we look
inward).
Your last question should be the one
that you reflect upon. Why do you feel the need to have him call you throughout the day, say he’s at work, how do you expect him to be productive, what if he loses his job due to the excessive calling, what then? Then you’ll be upset that he has no job and is living off of you! You will never be truly satisfied with this man until you get to the root of your problem and understand that if this is a pattern that you’ve displayed in past relationships it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with yourself. Don’t let your past hinder your present or future. Since you say you never caught him cheating then maybe you can’t let go of the pain of an ex and until you confront those demons you wont be able to have a healthy relationship. If another man has hurt you, remember your current partner is not that man! I repeat he is not that man and he should be treated as such, give him every chance you gave that other man so he can become a better man for you! Get your control back from your past!
Final option is this, if this isn’t your regular behavior and you have no insecurities, maybe this isn’t the man for
you, maybe you know deep down inside he isn’t the one and subconsciously you’re trying to pick fights or find reasons to walk away from him without it being your fault so you won’t feel bad.
Take-A-Ways: Don’t let your past hinder your present or future!
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December 30, 2011
Categories: Say What? (Q&A) . Tags: q&A, trust . Author: Its_Lindz! . Comments: Leave a Comment
